Two years ago

“Fuck you!” A shoe will have to do since I can’t find my hammer easily right now, though the hammer would do more damage. It hits the wall right next to his head- barely a fucking miss.
“Fuck, Bex! You can’t blame me for getting jealous!”
“Jealous and putting someone in the hospital because you’re an idiot are two different things! He could have you arrested, Chris! What would that do to your career?”
“I have the money, Bex, Jesus. He’ll be paid off in no time flat.” He laughs a cocky laugh and shakes his head. “Fuck you, ya know? Who the fuck lives like this? Monogamy is a real thing, you know? It’s not that unheard of to be with only the person you love.” He throws his hands in the air, frustrated, but he’s missing the point.
“This isn’t about us or what I need in life, Chris. This is about you and your inability to love me the way I am. It’s about your inability to be upfront and honest with me.”
I’ll be thirty years old in a few short years and I’ve been in love with Christopher Manners almost my entire life. He’s managed to crush my heart on multiple occasions, but every time I look into those dark eyes and he talks to me with that delicious voice, I end right back up in this situation. The man has too much power over me.
“I do love you, Bex,” he whispers. “Too much to watch someone else enjoy you like he was.”
“You promised me, Chris. You promised this time would be different.” I should have known that he wouldn’t suddenly be OK with an open relationship. He never was in the past, I should have fucking known.
He nods and curses, kicking the chair. “I did, you’re right.”
“So work for it, damnit! Stop with the jealousy! You know the only man I’ll ever have feelings for is standing right in front of me but he’s too busy living by what other people say is ‘normal’ to see how fucking good he has it!”
“How…how good I have it?” he bellows. “Please, tell me how good I have it! My girlfriend, whom I’m madly in love with, has to whore around and fuck other people in order to be happy with me. So please, Bex. Tell me how good I have it!”
“It’s not whoring around, it’s about not being tied to one fucking person the rest of your life. Live a little, Chris!”
“I don’t want other people, Bex. The only girl I’ve ever wanted was you. And look how far that’s gotten me.” He huffs and grabs his jacket. “You know…” he shakes his head. “My entire life, from the moment I felt anything for another human being, it’s been for you. Third fucking grade, Bex, I knew you were it for me. Now look at us. All these years later and you’re still…you.” He shrugs. “I’ve tried, but I can’t do this anymore.”
I clench my jaw and let a tear slip down my cheek. “Please don’t say that,” I manage.
“I’m done, Bex. I’m done with this bullshit. I’m done watching you enjoy other people because I’m not enough for you.”
“That’s not what it is! That’s not why… fuck!” I shriek, following him to the front door as he plows through my place like it’s a race to leave. “Chris, stop!” I cry. “You said you were ok with it,” I cry, reaching for him.
“No, Bex. I’m walking out this door and I’m going to try to forget you were ever a part of my life. It…fuck, it’d just be easiest if you did the same.”
I watch in horror as the one man I’ve ever given my heart to walks out of my life. Six months ago he promised me he was a changed man and I believed him because my heart hurt for him. I needed him and I thought he needed me, too.
Apparently I was wrong.
I’ll never make that mistake again.
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